How have you been since we last spoke? I hope all has been well.
This isn’t the only correspondence I’ve been neglecting as of late, though a part of me wonders if I should ever take the other back up. That one was a bi-weekly/monthly email to a friend that I hold very dear. Two years ago, I wrote her as I’d been doing for years—and she reintroduced herself to me. She kindly explained her life and who she was, and asked if I was sure I didn’t have the wrong person.
She was exactly the kind and eloquent woman she had always been and it was absolutely clear that she had no idea at all who I was.
And I cried. And cried some more. Pulled myself together and reintroduced myself and how she knew me. And I attempted other letters, letters where I reintroduced myself at the beginning of each and then after getting no response, I found myself a little lost as to what to do next.
She’d told me plenty of times that she was getting older and her head wasn’t what it used to be and I waved it away and told her she was just fine, and… Now what? Do I write her and remind her there’s a portion of her life that she doesn’t remember? Do the emails go through? Or am I just talking into the wind?
I hold her so dearly in my heart. I always will. I guess that’s why, two years later, I find myself on pause as to whether or not to write her again. To possibly re-open an old wound or to find some warmth of the friendship we’ll always share, even if memory makes its edges murky. I wish I knew what was best.
I’m afraid my absence from here has a different cause, though it’s rather foolish: I find myself pretty damned boring. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.
So because of own insecurities and vanity, I decided no one would be interested in what I wrote, before anyone else could do it for me.
A note? Don’t do that. It’s insulting yourself, under the guise of self-protection, and it’s not helpful in the least. Who knows how much time I wasted not engaging with some kindred spirit by hiding myself away. No more of that. J
It’s good to see you again, dear reader.
Write you again soon!